reflecting - 00:04:00
Saturday, 5 January 2013
first post of 2013 has to be a rather negative one. not a good start but I really need to rant somewhere.
sometimes I just feel so tired of all the hustle & bustle of life. conversations are too tiring to follow & it is actually rather suffocating at times for me to keep up. being yourself isn't really that appealing to everyone & there's this constant mask that you have to wear that just makes one super drained at the end of everything.
so why not just be myself? & that brings me to judge my mentality & personality.
sometimes it scares me to think about how horrible I am as a person. as a friend, a classmate or just an acquaintance. forever so cynical, so judging, so mean & so boring. yes I get bored of myself all the time & that explains all those awkward silences. so being myself doesn't feel like the right thing to do because it's horrible. ):
& I think I haven't learnt from my mistakes at all. attention-seeking self seems to be still within me & sometimes it irks me so much when I look back at what I have done I really hoped that I could keep my mouth shut if not just disappear. yes that attention-seeking ass in me has probably destroyed many people's first impressions of me & off they go with all the judging & bitching behind the back. how scary it is. )':
I need to become a better person ):
or maybe I should just go reside in another planet.